PsycHacks

Episode 18: The tale of Bluebeard

The tale of Bluebeard is an old fairy tale from Western Europe, but its lessons are still applicable today. We all have skeletons in our closet. The question is how these secrets in our hearts ought to impact our relationships. Keep in mind that if you want perfect transparency, then you can't expect perfect goodness. Some doors should just remain closed.

Episode 17: Overcoming emotional manipulation

Overcoming emotional manipulation is an important life skill. From a guilt-tripping mother to a fearmongering politician, there are those in the world who would use our emotions to further their own agendas. Breaking the pattern requires us to (a) accept responsibility for our own emotional reactions, and (b) tolerate our distressing emotions without taking action. I'll walk through how to do this in today's episode.

Episode 16: The block-and-replace technique

One of the fundamental skills in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is the block-and-replace technique. This technique -- which entails blocking negative thoughts and replacing them with more reality-based alternatives -- undergirds the entire process of cognitive restructuring, which is an effective way of sustainably changing thoughts and beliefs. In this video, I'll discuss how this is done with some concrete examples.

Episode 15: The disconfirming emotional experience

The disconfirming emotional experience is the very heart of the therapeutic process. It is the necessary and sufficient condition for significant personal change. In essence, a disconfirming emotional experience is when a person has the experience of passing through a feared situation only to emerge unscathed on the other side. With repetition, this contributes to the development of a felt sense that things will kinda be okay, which will force an update of outdated mental models.

Episode 14: Rule out the confounds

One of the easiest ways to get more from therapy is to rule out confounds before engaging the services of a therapist. Basically, this means that you should first try excluding any other factors that could plausibly influence your situation and observe the effect on your problem. This will help save time (and money), and clarify the objective of the clinical work, which will make your overall experience with therapy more effective and rewarding.

Episode 13: This is it

Many young adults arrive in their mid-20s with an expectation that life will continue to be a constant, structured progression (much like it has been up until that point). They have a chronic "fear of missing out," which seducing them into believing that life is somehow happening somewhere where they're not. However, this is not the case. In point of fact: this is it. Life is as full and complete now as it ever will be. Passing through the gateway of disappointment brings peace and acceptance.

Episode 12: Should and anger

Behind most angry emotions are thoughts containing the concept of "should." However, the suffering that results from this connection indicates that we may be using the concept of "should" incorrectly. Indeed, there's a "right way" and a "wrong way" to use this concept. In this video, I will discuss the differences between these two usages, and why the "right way" will help up stay safe and get what we want.

Episode 11: The captain can't complain

With privilege comes responsibility. And one of the responsibilities associated with occupying a privileged position of leadership is to bite one's lip. The captain can't complain (downward). Don't exacerbate the vulnerability associated with being in a dependent position by openly discussing worries, gripes, fears, and anxieties. The buck stops with you.

Episode 10: How to confront a friend

Confronting a friend about his or her disrespectful or destructive behavior can be one of the hardest things to do in a relationship. Say nothing and you collude to enable the behavior. Come down too hard and you risk alienating the other. In this video, I discuss how to accomplish this difficult task by speaking from your own experience about the natural, emotional consequences of the other's actions.

Episode 9: The fear of disappointment

Many people live with the constant, low-grade fear of disappointing others. While this can ultimately be resolved by overcoming the fear of abandonment, the fear of disappointment can be significantly reduced by examining its rational basis. In this video, we'll discuss justified (versus unjustified) disappointment, so that you can reduce your exposure to unnecessary suffering.