PsycHacks

Episode 36: People are disappointing

Other people represent both an opportunity to be seized and a problem to be solved. While most of us understand that we need other people for the fulfilment of our ends (opportunity), we also come to realize that other people are also in the perfectly inopportune position to frustrate those ends (problem). Most will consider our needs with indifference, criticism, or even cruelty. However, acceptance of the darkness and failings of both others and ourselves can help to improve your relationships in a reality-based way.

Episode 35: The coin flip technique

Nobody likes being indecisive. So what can you do when you're having trouble making up your mind? The coin flip technique is a simple way to clarify our own emotional preferences: it's fast, free, and easy to use. In this episode, I discuss what the coin flip technique is and how to use your emotional reactions to effectively inform your decision-making process. Try it out for yourself!

Episode 34: The myth of closure

It natural to seek after closure following the rupture of an important relationship. However, most folks make the mistake of seeking closure from the other person. This is a disempowering and (generally) ineffective strategy. On the other hand, if we seek closure in ourselves, then we have the option of taking our power back and regaining our agency. Closure occurs when we make the decision to move on. It really is that simple.

Episode 33: Get some side quests!

In role playing games (RPGs), it's often the case that the side quests -- short, optional adventures on the path toward your ultimate goal -- can be more fun and interesting than the main story arc itself. Among other reasons, this is because they provide intermittent rewards that increase motivation toward long-term objectives. In this episode, I'll discuss how to identify appropriate side quests across life domains, increasing the novelty and diversity of your life experience.

Episode 32: Never reject yourself

Whether in business or relationships, it is a good rule of thumb to never reject yourself. Rather, force the other party to expend the necessary energy to reject you. Doing so creates a cost barrier that de-incentivizes rejecting behavior. On the other hand, if you're not receiving negative feedback, then assume that you're on the right track. Though you may be pessimistic about your own chances, others might have different criteria for satisfaction than you do.

Episode 31: Work is an auction house

In an auction house, the lot goes to the highest bidder. In a very real sense, the highest bidder wins because no one else in the room believed the lot was worth that much. This means that the highest bidder almost certainly overpaid, and could have secured the same lot with fewer resources. The auction house is a useful analogy for work. In what ways might you be overpaying for your returns? In this episode, I'll discuss how to increase your ROI through the strategic allocation of resources.

Episode 30: Memento mori and happiness

If you traffic in Stoic philosophy, then the concept of memento mori -- a reminder of death -- should be familiar to you. In this episode, I discuss the two immediate, existential advantages to appreciating your own mortality on a regular basis. In the first place, remembering you will die should help you to prioritize the things that really matter. And, in the second place, this reminder should allow you to let go of the "small stuff" more quickly and completely.

Episode 29: "No" is sufficient

Turning down an offer isn't always pleasant. However, learning how to do so with confidence is an essential skill in order to safeguard your time and energy. Unfortunately, many people devalue the currency of their wills by providing "reasons" why an acceptance is infeasible or impractical. Rather than leaving the door open to an unwanted counter-offer, try practicing an alternative strategy. Just say no!

Episode 28: The nature of identity

In today's day and age, there is a lot of talk about "identity." However, who exactly is the "I" that is asserting its existence? In this episode, I'll discuss a simple thought exercise that will help you to determine where to draw the boundary between your true self and the rest of the universe. I will also briefly discuss how the logical conclusions of this exercise generally map onto the world's spiritual traditions.

Episode 27: "Need" versus "want"

Most of us use the words "need" and "want" interchangeably. However, there are important differences between the two concepts that differentially impact our emotional experience. Since "need" is technically associated with survival, it carries with it the threat of extinction. As a result, "need" can transform a mundane task into a life-or-death struggle. If you suffer from generalized anxiety, examine your habits around these two concepts.