PsycHacks

Episode 225: Not everyone can be saved

In the popular imagination, every emotional wound can be healed with sufficient time and adequate treatment. However, this is not true. Not everyone can be saved, and therapy doesn't always work. What's more, when it does work, it often creates a kind of scar, which (like its physical analogue) lacks the suppleness and sensitivity of the original material. We all must grieve what doesn't return through healing. That said, there is usually enough left over for us to keep moving forward.

#healing #therapy #selfhelp

Episode 224: The balance of creation and destruction

Like pleasure and pain, there is a fundamental and irreducible asymmetry between creation and destruction. That which required decades of painstaking labor and inordinate talent to create can be destroyed in a matter of seconds with sufficient power and malice. A great example of this imbalance can be found in the realm of social media. I'll discuss more in this episode.

#creative #destruction #socialmedia

Episode 223: Humanity changes slowly, if at all

Though extremely complex, society is fundamentally a collection of relationships between and among individuals. So what is true about relationships often holds true for society, as well. Consequently, much like individuals can find themselves in passionate romantic relationships, society can find itself in passionate ideological movements. In both cases, however, the experience is short-lived: the fire burns with such intensity that it cannot be sustained. In fact, humanity changes slowly, if at all, and, in order to sustain themselves, relationships (and ideologies) should accommodate to this reality.

#change #relationship #humanity

Episode 222: Love your neighbor as yourself

One of the most widely-known verses of the New Testament is the one in which Jesus instructs us to "love your neighbor as yourself." This verse is usually understood to be a commandment, and it certainly can be interpreted as such. However, there is another way of looking at this instruction as a revelatory observation on reality, namely: that you love your neighbor as you love yourself. I'll discuss this interpretation further in this episode.

#jesus #love #christianity

Episode 221: How to hunt for a partner

In a previous podcast, I discussed how there are really only two ways to go about dating: you can hunt or you can fish. In this episode, I'll be talking about hunting: what it is and how to do it well. This is an approach that generally works better the higher your standardized sexual marketplace value; however, everyone can improve their skills in this regard. Listen to the episode to learn more.

#dating #hunting #relationships

Episode 220: Why men don’t go to therapy

According to recent statistics, women are anywhere from one-and-a-half to three times more likely to seek out mental health services in a given 12-month period than men are. This means that between 60-75% of psychotherapy patients at any given time are women. Why might this be the case? In this episode, I will discuss my pet theory on the subject, which describes how several historical factors conspired to enshrine certain biases in the theory and practice of psychotherapy that continue to exude their influence today.

#therapy #psychology #gendergap

Episode 219: What is conviction?

The word "conviction" has a mystery inside of it that is revealed by examining its etymological origins. It comes from the Latin words "con," meaning "with," and "vincere," meaning "to conquer." "Conviction" literally means "with conquering," or -- perhaps more felicitously -- "with victory." But victory over what? I'll discuss more in this episode.

#conviction #victory #confidence

Episode 218: How to improve your luck

Luck is not necessarily just the chaotic, random element of chance that pervades the universe. It's a factor over which you can have some measure of influence. The Roman philosopher, Seneca, tells us how: "luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." Therefore, in order to improve your luck, you need to (a) prepare and (b) create opportunities. I'll discuss what that might look like in the context of dating in this episode.

#luck #opportunity #dating

Episode 217: Core emotional wounds

Core emotional wounds are psychic injuries inflicted in the context of one's primary attachment relationships. That means that they are generally formed in relationship with one's parents in childhood. These wounds come in two general flavors: "I'm not good enough" and "I'm not lovable." The pain of these wounds can distort the lens of subjectivity, such that one's very perceptions of oneself, other people, and the world become distorted. And, if unaddressed, they can give rise to a host of compensatory behaviors designed to "bargain" with the world for what they did not receive in appropriate quantities when they were younger.

#attachment #cognition #psychology

Episode 216: All mental illnesses are compromises

As people move through life, they are subject to experiencing great pain, suffering, and trauma. And the healthy response to these experiences is to withdraw from and avoid further contact with them. The problem is that these experiences exist in reality -- so withdrawing from and avoiding contact with them also means withdrawing from and avoiding reality. And withdrawing from and avoiding reality can create its own pain, suffering, and trauma. Enter mental illness: it is a compromise solution that enables the individual to avoid pain and suffering as much as possible while avoiding the reality in which they exist as little as possible.

#mentalhealth #mentalillness #psychopathology