PsycHacks

Episode 245: The truth about romance: Solipsism

In this episode, I will discuss another important aspect of romantic love: solipsism. This is the belief that nothing exists outside of the self, or -- in the case of romantic love -- outside of the merged dyad. As I explained in a previous episode in the series, "Romance is for men," romance was invented by lower-status men for lower-status men as a means of competing with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As a result, one of the imperatives of the romantic lover is to lure the love object away from the competition of these higher-status men. Since he cannot rule in the real world, the romantic lover will create his own solipsistic universe where he can be king.

"Chasing cars:" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GemKqzILV4w

#romance #relationship #dating

Episode 244: Neglected kinds of love: Space

This is another episode in my "Neglected kinds of love" series, in which I approach the concept of love from a spiritual perspective by examining the observed relationship between the Higher Power and the created universe. In this episode, I'll make the argument that space is an attribute of love, a kind of loving. Though we build structure, we use emptiness. And this emptiness is the container within which life and prosperity are possible -- so it must be aligned with love, the force that nurtures both.

#love #spirituality #space

Episode 243: What is confidence?

In a previous episode, "Three steps to becoming more confident," I discussed the pathway embedded in my working definition of confidence, namely: the consistent, felt experience of success. In this episode, I'll reveal a mystery in the word itself that can take our comprehension of the concept to the next level. What does confidence have to do with faith? And how can we use faith to become more confident?

#confidence #faith #selflove

Episode 242: What straights can learn from gays

Given my experience as an actor, I was able to learn a good deal about gay culture and relationships. This allowed me to identify a few things that gay folks do well in their relationships and that straight folks would do well to acknowledge. Foremost among these things is the lack of reliance on assumptive frameworks when creating the structure of a relationship. Since there aren't really any publicly-visible, archetypal models for gay relationships, everything about that relationship must be explicitly negotiated between the individuals involved. This reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings and increases the goodness of fit between the relationship and the constituent parties.

#dating #relationship #gay

Episode 241: The truth about romance: Romance is for men

This episode discusses one of my most mind-blowing realizations about romance. Most folks -- men and women -- believe that the modern expressions of romance -- flowers and poetry and bent-knee proposals -- are for women. However, this is not actually the case. The truth of the matter is that romance is for men, specifically lower-status men who historically have found it difficult to compete with higher-status men for the most desirable women. As I will discuss, evidence for this perspective is all around us. We need only look clearly.

"Two princes": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsdy_rct6uo

#romance #relationship #dating

Episode 240: Why most relationships don’t last

If you're having trouble keeping a promising relationship past the six-month mark, then this episode is for you. The truth is that most relationships don't last, and the primary reason why they don't is something that I call the "crisis of disillusionment." Almost all relationships are built upon an initial foundation of projected fantasy. Over time, disconfirming evidence to the contrary accumulates and the fantasy eventually is unable to withstand the assault of reality: this is the crisis of disillusionment. It's inevitable, and it's really when the relationship begins -- if it ever does.

#dating #relationship #datingadvice

Episode 239: The importance of sex in a relationship

Make no mistake: sex is important to women. However, as important as it is, it's not as important to women as it is to men. In this episode, I'll attempt to explain why sex is so important to men, and why it's the key to keeping men in your life. To do this, I'll make use of an analogy from the other big pillar of adult life: work. In the hierarchy of needs, it makes sense to prioritize those that are unique to a given relationship.

#sex #dating #relationship

Episode 238: Why nice guys finish last

This episode builds on the conclusions of my previous episode, "Women want it all." Today I'll be tackling the age-old complaint of all also-rans: nice guys finish last. The flip side of this is the analogous complaint that women love jerks. However, it only looks like women choose jerks from the perspective of nice guys. The fact of the matter is that this isn't entirely true, and I'll explain why using the results of psychological research. And since men typically understand business better than they understand women, I'll use a professional framework to illustrate my points.

#dating #niceguys #relationship

Episode 237: Women want it all

Today I'm going to be talking about one of my all-time favorite pieces of psychological research, an article entitled "Attractive women want it all" (see link below). When presented with an extensive list of potential partner attributes, women ranked as most attractive by a panel of men expressed an interest in every attribute on the list. They literally wanted every single thing. However, they apparently didn't want every single thing equally. I'll discuss the upshot of this research with respect to male dating strategy.

"Attractive women want it all": https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/147470490800600116

#dating #relationship #attraction

Episode 236: Neglected kinds of love: Order

I was recently inspired to begin a series on what seems to me to be socially neglected attributes of love. My model for love is spiritual, and -- assuming a omnibenevolent Higher Power -- I try to understand what love is by observing the Divine's relationship with the created universe. Assuming this framework takes us far away from the comfortable, fuzzy feelings that dominate the social conception of love. In this episode, I'll discuss one aspect of that observed relationship, namely: order. Order, as the fundamental attribute that makes life and prosperity possible, must be an essential component of love.

#love #spritual #order