PsycHacks

Episode 265: ”My needs aren’t being met”

I really dislike the phrase "my needs aren't being met." Not only does this obscure the truth, but it propagates a potentially dangerous lie in its place. A relationship in which a person's needs aren't being met is abusive; however, people in abusive relationship don't say that they're needs aren't being met. They say they are in an abusive relationship. So what does this phrase really mean? I'll discuss more in this episode.

#needs #wants #relationship

Episode 264: The invisibility of loss

Once someone passes through tragedy, they are no longer the same person, and their perception of reality has fundamentally changed. There is no going back. And this means that there are generally two classes of people: those who have passed through tragedy, and those who haven't passed through tragedy yet. These two groups basically live in two different worlds, in which many features of reality are invisible to those in the second category. I illustrate the psychological truth of this statement with an example from "Harry Potter."

#harrypotter #loss #grief

Episode 263: Dating is like buying a car

Have you ever bought a car? If so, you had to do business with someone with whom your fundamental interests were misaligned. How did you go about doing this? Even if that car checked every one of your boxes, I doubt that you pursued the sale with unabashed enthusiasm, as this would be a stupid strategy. Dating isn't much different. The best way to negotiate a good deal for yourself is to approach the discussion from a place of indifference. I'll discuss more in this episode.

#dating #attraction #game

Episode 262: Why the people you like don’t like you back

Have you ever noticed that the people you're really interested in never seem to reciprocate your feelings? On the other hand, have you ever noticed that the people you can kinda take or leave seem to really want to have a relationship with you? Isn't that just the ironic tragedy of dating? However, it doesn't have to be this way. Almost certainly, you are making a fundamental mistake when it comes to how you are treating the people you are attracted to. I'll explain more in this episode.

#attraction #dating #relationship

Episode 261: Surviving toxic family during the holidays

The holidays are upon us, my friends! For many, this is a wonderful time of year when folks get to spend precious time with loved ones. For others, it's a landmine of conflict and despair. This episode is for those in the latter category. Today I'll be talking about holiday safety planning -- a must when dealing with toxic family dynamics. Here are five concrete and actionable tips to stay sane this holiday season.

#toxic #holidays #abuse

Episode 260: Younger men and older women

The younger man/older woman dynamic actually has a lot to speak for itself. Among other things, it generally occurs between two gendered classes that are roughly equivalent with respect to their normalized sexual marketplace values. What's more, both parties generally understand that the relationship is fairly short-term, making it one of the most sexually-charged matchups possible. Why this isn't done more often is beyond me. I discuss more in this episode.

#olderwomen #cougars #relationship

Episode 259: Men treat women the way women treat money

After my episode, "Women treat men the way men treat jobs," I received a lot of requests asking for the same treatment from the other direction, namely: what are women to men? I've given it some thought, and this is what I came up with. Keep in mind that my intention here is to help women understand some otherwise bewildering male behavior so they can accept, heal, and ultimately have more rewarding relationships in the future. This is a longer treatment, so be sure to say until the end.

#relationship #dating #men

Episode 258: How to be indestructible

To be indestructible, you must first understand how you are destructible. From a psychological perspective, you are destructible when you inappropriately identify with external reality. This basically means that you conflate what you have with who you are. This is dangerous, as any threat to a possession with which you are identified will be experienced psychologically as a threat on your essential being. However, if you can identify yourself with your self, then who can have power over you? I'll explain more in this episode.

#stoicism #invincible #identity

Episode 257: The part that women always leave out

The part that women always leave out refers to the responses of women to the question: "what are you looking for in a man?" These responses are typically a litany of positive character attributes: someone kind, someone loyal, someone family-oriented. However, women always leave out a very important part to their responses, and it's this omission that can really mess with men's heads. I'll explain what I mean in this episode.

#dating #attraction #women

Episode 256: Recognition is a poor man’s currency

The value of recognition is inversely proportional to the degree to which you are paid in other ways. When you are unhappy or underpaid, recognition becomes very important to you; however, if you are happy and overpaid, it becomes significantly less so. As a result, we can consider recognition to be a poor man's currency. This is because rich men are paid in money.

#recognition #business #money