PsycHacks

Episode 275: There are only two goals

Action is required because, if we do nothing, things fall apart. So goal-directed behavior is part and parcel of the human experience. However, in the near-infinite domain of human action, there are really only two goals, two avenues for all our efforts: we can either do something that we're not, or not do something that we are. Everything else is bluster, because (at heart) all goals are behavioral.

#goals #success #psychology

Episode 274: Cancer cures neurosis

"Cancer cures neurosis," is a quote from the great psychotherapist, Irvin Yalom, who (like me) got his start as a psychologist working with cancer patients. Among other things, he meant that a real problem tends to put things in perspective for folks. In this episode, I discuss how the core of neurosis is conflating a fake problem with a real problem, and how those who are actively dying tend to get very busy living.

#cancer #psychology #health

Episode 273: What women don’t understand about chivalry

In today's day and age, I still encounter women who lament the decline of chivalry. To some extent, I can appreciate their complaint as the end of certain social niceties. However, what these ladies don't seem to appreciate is the extent to which the unfreedom of women served as the rationale for chivalric action, and that a damsel must first be locked up in a tower in order to be saved. Otherwise, the whole chivalric effort becomes a ridiculous farce.

#romantic #dating #relationship

Episode 272: How to dismantle envy

Envy is one of the most destructive emotions we are subject to experiencing, and it its invisibility makes it particularly insidious. However, like any other emotion, it can be dismantled by understanding the necessary conditions from which it arises. My working definition of envy is that it is a perceived deficit relative to a self-relevant good relative to a perceived equal. This is somewhat complex, but I break down how this awareness can be used to neutralize the emotion.

#psychology #emotions #envy

Episode 271: Turn the other cheek

To celebrate Christmas, let's take a closer look at one of Jesus's teachings: the admonition to turn the other cheek. This teaching has been interpreted in many ways over the ages, and I'm going to offer another one. It's one that, I believe, accord very nicely with a nuanced understanding of human psychology. In this episode, I explain how turning the other cheek functionally places aggression on an extinction protocol by divesting aggression of its reinforcement mechanism.

#jesus #peace #psychology

Episode 270: How to improve your self-esteem

Self-esteem is the belief that, all things being equal, you're a worthwhile person. It's related to self-confidence, but it's technically a separate construct. Unfortunately, many folks out there struggle with low self-esteem, and don't think very highly of themselves (even if they're otherwise successful). Fortunately, there is a simple way to improve your self-esteem. It's a two-step process, and I'll outline both in this episode.

#selflove #selfesteem #selfconfidence

Episode 269: The trap of a good enough life

The single best predictor of whether a person will benefit from psychotherapy is how miserable the person is when he first presents for treatment. And on some level, this makes sense. While life can always get worse, if you're going through a particularly difficult moment, it's actually more likely to improve if you make a change. This is called regression toward the mean. However, it works the other way as well. In this episode, I discuss the trap of a B- life.

#success #blackjack #risk

Episode 268: If it’s worth doing...

Growing up, I often heard the saying: "if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well." And this certainly has some truth to it. Some activities shouldn't even be approached without a commitment to excellence at the outset. However, as I've gotten older, I've come to see this adage from a different perspective. I discuss what that is -- and its repercussions -- in this episode.

#selfimprovement #success #achievement

Episode 267: Dominance is psychological not physical

The internet abounds with advice for men looking to become more dominant, more alpha. And almost all of this advice includes directives to get bigger, get stronger. While this is certainly a worthwhile goal, this direction can do men a disservice by equating physical presence with dominance. This is not the case. Dominance is psychological, not physical. And you already know this is true. The contest for dominance is fought on the psychological field in society. So do not neglect this important reality.

#alpha #redpill #men

Episode 266: Women are making society polygamous

Without conscious intention, women are making society increasingly polygamous. This is a provocative statement, but some of the data bear it out. According to the General Social Survey, one in three men under 30 have not had sex in the previous year -- while only one in six women under 30 have done the same. This creates a ratio of 5 sexually active women to 4 sexually active men in this important age group. Put another way: about 20% of women under 30 are in a polygamous relationship -- whether they're aware of it or not.

#dating #polygamy #women